


GioGio Kills Santa: The Naughty List

by PeepMeep



Series: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: The Santa Clause [3]
Category: Santa Clause (Movies), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Weed, the crossover no one asked for, the third year running
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 19:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17147933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeepMeep/pseuds/PeepMeep
Summary: Narancia writes a letter to Santa for weed, mostly to piss off Fugo.





	GioGio Kills Santa: The Naughty List

**Author's Note:**

> I did actual research for this  
> If you're not familiar about this crossover, check out the 2 others in this, uh, series. It's a different continuity from the other ones though this Santa is just regular Santa.   
> Maybe DIU will get this treatment some day Okuyasu would be so upset that Santa died.

“You know Santa’s not real, right?”

“Don’t ruin my fun! Besides,” Narancia skipped to the mailbox before depositing the letter with a flourish, “can you imagine the look on everyone’s faces?”

Trish sighed. “Even  _ if  _ he were real, Santa isn’t going to bring you weed.”

“I’ve totally been good this year!”

“You’re in a  _ gang _ , Narancia. You set an entire street on fire.”

“It was in self-defense!”

“Did you forget Giorno’s whole spiel about how selling drugs to kids is bad?”

“He’s not  _ selling _ me anything. God, Trish, do you even know how Santa works?”

 

It was the night before Christmas and the hideout was decorated for the occasion. Bruno fussed with the presepe napoletano set up in one corner of the room.

“Why do we even  _ have  _ that thing?” Abba skulked on the couch, as far away from the festivities as possible while still being in the vicinity of everyone else. They wouldn’t put it pass enemies to attack them on a day commonly seen as a day of peace and good will to all men. 

Fugo groaned, exasperated. “Would it kill you not to be a grinch for once in your life?”

“Yes.”

Fugo ignored that and went back to cutting the panettone; Mista watched anxiously.

“Careful with the slices.”

“Yeah, yeah, there’s more than 4 of us, it’s not going to be a problem.”

Heavy footfalls down the stairs drew everyone’s attention as Narancia bounded down the stairs as loud as humanly possible. He had a huge smile on his face now that everyone’s eyes were on him.

“What. Are you wearing,” Bruno uttered.

It was, indeed, an ugly Christmas sweater, which read  _ ‘Twas the nizzle before _

“Chrismizzle? Is that even a word?”

“Don’t be upset that you don’t understand the brilliance that is Snoop Dogg.”

“You always find new ways to impress me with your ineptitude,” Fugo deadpanned. 

“Hey, you should be happy that I’m learning English!”

“Rap isn’t English.”

They continued arguing and Giorno took a moment to reflect on how things have changed for him so quickly. He never had a “real” Christmas with his family; he wondered what his biological father or the rest of the Joestar family would be doing. Would it be worth reaching out to them? Maybe after things died down and people weren’t constantly after Trish and things were safer. 

The night continued pleasantly. They had managed to get Abba to interact with them, bribing him with black coffee.Focusing on the festivities, their guard started to slip; it was only when there was a noise above them did they realize their mistake.

Reflexively their stands popped out. Except for one.

“Guys, chill,” Narancia said. “It’s just probably Santa.”

“Santa’s not real you fucking idiot,” Fugo snapped.

“How is he any more unbelievable than stands?”

“Narancia.” Giorno kept his voice level. “Did you write to Santa Claus?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Did you put our address on it?”

The room went quiet. “I wanted him to know where I lived…”

Fugo screamed and lunged; Sticky Fingers and Gold Experience grabbed him and held him back.

“Stop it, we need to focus.” Bruno inhaled slowly, calming himself. “We need to protect the boss’s daughter, that’s our goal.”

“Bruno’s right,” Giorno said. “We need to find out what’s going on and how to get rid of the enemy.” Everyone nodded.

“If they’re on the roof, Bruno can open it beneath them and we can get the surprise on them,” said Abba.

“Good idea. Go, 『ＳＴＩＣＫＹ ＦＩＮＧＥＲＳ』!” The stand shot up towards the ceiling and punched, a giant zipper appeared and somebody fell through. Giorno reacted before piecing it all together, Gold Experience punching the figure with a “Muda!” and slammed it into the ground.

The gang stars stood ready for the next move, waiting for the dust to settle. Aerosmith circled above.

Narancia studied his stand’s monitor. “Whoever it is, they’re not breathing….no.”

“No way.” Fugo stepped back, shocked. “It can’t be.”

“Are you fucking with me?” Abba said.

Narancia pointed at the body. “See I  _ told  _ you he was real. I told you, Fugo!”

“Maybe it’s an enemy in disguise…,” Trish’s voice trailed off. Everyone’s heads snapped skyward at the sound of sleigh bells jingling. 

“No…” Giorno was paralyzed. How? How could this have happened?

“You know what this means, right?” Narancia asked. Giorno shook his head. “It means you got to finish the job!”

“But-”

“Think of all the kids who aren’t getting presents!”

And he did. He remembered what it was like. To be in a cold and unloving home and getting nothing for the holidays. Was he inherently bad then, was that why Santa never came? Was he better now?   _ Did  _ Narancia actually get his letter answered? It didn’t matter now, he couldn’t let others go through what he did.

Giorno sighed. “All right everyone, let’s get going.”

“There is no way you’re getting me involved,” Abba sneered.

“Don’t be like that,” said Bruno. “If we all help and use all our stands we can get this done faster.”

“How is Moody Blues going to help???”

“It’s not going to protect the boss’s daughter if you both stay home.” 

“I cannot fucking believe this.”

And so there were 7 gang stars lighting up that Christmas night, spreading cheer and good tidings around the globe, making the wishes of countless children come true. 

Sadly, Santa did not get Narancia the gift he asked for, but he did get a pair of heelys, which annoyed Fugo just as much.

**Author's Note:**

> Buon Natale!
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/chasestarb) and [tumblr](http://phektrek.tumblr.com/)! I'm always open for messages. You can find info about that stuff [here!](http://www.chasej.xyz/commission-information/).  
> 


End file.
